We’re literally hard-wired for drama– so find out which of the 4 Body Image Avatars I see in Taylor Frankie Paul and the rest of the cast!
Hi friend!
I recently binged The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu, and… I have thoughts!
This hit reality show follows the lives of a group of women in Salt Lake City, Utah, who first gained popularity on TikTok for posting little dance videos and behind-the-scenes content about their lives as moms and members of the community/church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I think what originally made these women compelling is a combination of the fact that they were all very young and conventionally attractive moms, and the fact that mainstream culture has long been fascinated by Mormon culture and religion. It’s known for being an incredibly conservative, modest, and private culture with a focus on traditional gender roles and a lot of rules and restrictions (like no alcohol, no coffee/tea, and absolutely no sex before marriage!) so seeing a group of Mormon women stepping into the spotlight and taking up space was already interesting.
But then the story got even more interesting, when it came out that some of the women in the group were involved in “soft swinging,” which is to say, some of the couples were regularly getting together to have sex and swap partners! (Apparently the “soft” part of this term just means they were playing sexually without penetration, which is honestly a whole other topic.)
As you can probably imagine, when this story broke online it was a whole-ass scandal, because the Mormon church is known for being sexually repressed and conservative, so everyone who heard about it was suddenly kind of like… wait, excuse me, what happened?!
I should probably pause here and clarify that if paying attention to other people’s business isn’t your thing, I totally get that. I know some people think it’s weird to care about this kind of thing, and there’s definitely a bit of a stigma around people who are too “online,” too interested in the lives of people they don’t even know, or too into reality TV.
But personally, I’ve decided to see it differently, because we humans are evolutionarily wired to love and seek out two things: other people, and stories.
Our brains are so oriented toward other people that babies naturally focus their eyes better on human faces than inanimate objects, little kids have an easier time telling the difference between a “triangle” and “rectangle” if the shapes have little faces drawn on them, and even as adults delight in seeing “faces” in everyday objects. (This is actually an innate perceptual phenomenon called pareidolia!)
On top of all that, the human mind is hardwired for stories, because telling and hearing stories has helped us connect with each other, understand the world, and literally survive for many thousands of years! So of course we love to hear stories about people we don’t know, of course we find ourselves invested in the lives of random people on TikTok, and of course we love reality TV!
Our brains are literally programmed to delight in human drama, and while I fully recognize the pitfalls of paying too close attention to other people’s business, I also see no reason for that to be stigmatized. (Not to mention the role sexism and patriarchy play in this stigma, because the kind of stories created by and for men tends to be seen as “art,” while the kinds of stories created by and for women tends to be seen as “gossip.”)
Anyway, all of this is to say that it’s ok to love drama— consume responsibly, but go ahead and enjoy whatever brings you pleasure ;-)
On that note, I have a little treat for you today!
Whether or not you’ve seen The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, I think you’ll love my brand new episode of my podcast This Is (Not) About Your Body, because I’m breaking down what I saw in the show through the lens of body neutrality and the four Body Image Avatars!
In this episode, you’ll hear me explore:
The way Mormon culture in Salt Lake City pushes women into self-objectification (explaining why these women all sort of look the same), and how internalized oppression under patriarchy creates insecurities for all of us!
My assessment of one of the main characters on the show—Taylor Frankie Paul—including which of the four Body Image Avatars I think she is, and what we can learn about shame and healing from watching her journey.
What it looks like when someone’s insecurities are rooted in both the Self-Objectifier and the Runner, including where it comes from, how it might manifest, and common characteristics/patterns to look out for.
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this one– you can watch the full video on my YouTube channel here, or listen to the full episode wherever you get your podcasts! (And be sure to like and subscribe, or leave me a rating and review so more people can find my show!)
Also, if you haven’t taken the Body Image Avatars quiz and want to find out which one(s) you resonate with, you can take it on my website here, or check out my book BODY NEUTRAL: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues to learn more!
Lastly, I’m gonna keep making these kinds of episodes, so I want to hear from you! Do you have a person, character, show, story, or trend you want me to break down through the lens of body neutrality?? If so just hit reply and let me know!
Sending you a big hug,
Jessi
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