Hi friend,
Something that’s been coming up a lot in my coaching practice lately is our collective need for grief right now.
I’ve often written about the important role that conscious grief-work plays in acceptance, especially when it comes to body image and self-worth.
On the path to body neutrality, for example, you may need to grieve the loss of the long-held, dearly cherished fantasy version of you that you associate with reaching your weight or body goals, before you can fully accept the truth of where your body is right now.
But learning to skillfully navigate grief isn’t only the key to self-compassion, acceptance, and peace… it’s also sometimes the key to empowered action.
After all, you can’t really dive into action to solve a problem that you haven’t fully accepted, right? You have to notice, acknowledge, and accept the fact that you’re sick before you make a doctor’s appointment to get treated, and you have to notice, acknowledge, and accept the fact that a relationship isn’t working before you break up with someone.
In all areas of life, you have to fully acknowledge reality for what it is before you can start taking action to improve it, and you have to be willing to accept that you have a problem before you can start figuring out how to solve it.
Unfortunately, acknowledging and accepting reality can be difficult and painful, especially when that reality is super, super far away from where we want it to be.
Due to the recent political landscape, I’ve been noticing that a lot of people are stuck in denial, overwhelm, apathy, rage, helplessness, or just desperately wishing things were different lately.
Put another way, a lot of people are stuck in resisting reality right now.
And while this is completely understandable (trust me, I also wish things were different), resisting reality doesn’t facilitate empowered action. Instead, all it does is keep us exhausted and stuck.
In order to start addressing the problems we have as a culture right now, we have to fully accept what they are, and that we have them. We have to fully acknowledge that we’re sick before we can start figuring out how to get better.
And that requires grief.
To help with this, I’ve decided to share a practice I sometimes give my clients, called “conscious grieving.”
Practice: Conscious Grieving
The emotion of grief must be fully acknowledged, welcomed, and felt, in order to be metabolized and released, and this requires time and energy. Identify what it is that you’re grieving by naming what it is you’ve lost, what it is you have to let go of, or what it is you’re releasing. This can certainly refer to people, places, communities, or resources, but it can also be more metaphorical and refer to things like ideas, eras, trust, hope, beliefs, or versions of you.
For example, you might be grieving the loss of the close relationship you used to have with someone who has been politically “red pilled,” or the loss of the hopeful and naive version of you who thought things could never get this bad. Maybe you need to let go of the idea that the government represents you and has your best interests at heart, your attachment to someone who has let you down, or the hope that someone will come and “save us” from this disaster.
Whatever it is, write down what you’re grieving by naming what you’ve lost, or what you’re losing/releasing. Then allow yourself a spacious and self-compassionate mourning period, and consider how it might look for you to actively and consciously grieve this loss.
Rituals of mourning can be helpful here, because they provide some structure, boundaries, and tangibility to the nebulous and internal experience of grieving:
Do you want to set aside time in your schedule to be sad, cry, write poetry, or connect with your heartbreak?
Do you want to light a vigil for your loss and sit in prayer or meditation every morning?
Do you want to invite your loved ones over for a funeral service to say goodbye to whatever it is you’ve lost?
Get creative, and trust your gut on this. Yes it’s a bit silly to eulogize the version of you who believed abortion rights would never be taken away, but if that sounds helpful to you, go for it! Like all emotions, grief doesn’t follow the rules of logic, so be patient, imaginative, and kind to yourself as you experiment and explore.
It’s important to tune into and welcome the sensations in your body as you do this work, so you may want to consider including something like mindfulness meditations, body scans, or journaling about where the sensations of grief are located in your body, and what they feel like. You can try opening up a dialogue with your grief, too! Try saying hello to it, telling it that it’s welcome, promising to make time for it, or even asking it questions.
Also it’s ok if you don’t feel actively sad while you do conscious grief-work!
Apathy, rage, despair, and judgment are all valid and welcome here—just meet yourself wherever you’re at, and aim to be fully present with (and accepting of) whatever’s there. Underneath all of those things you will often find heartbreak, but you don’t need to force it. Just make space to acknowledge and mourn your losses, and let the heartbreak emerge if and when it’s ready.
Take breaks as needed, be sure to also make time and space for self-care that feels nourishing and supportive, and keep going until you feel like you no longer need it.
That’s it for today!
If, like many of my clients, you’ve been feeling stuck, helpless, exhausted, or overwhelmed by all the shit going on in the world lately, I hope this practice helps you move toward acceptance and— in the long run— toward energized and empowered action.
Feel free to hit reply and let me know how it goes if you try it!
Big hug,Jessi
PS Feel free to apply for coaching with me here if you need some help or support getting unstuck!
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